Control over your life
Rules, monitoring and limits on your time, money, body or choices. 33 tactics on this line, in the order the guide walks them.
Open this line in the guideEvery tactic on this line, with look-alikes on other lines.C 01Information ControlNarrowing what someone reads, hears and learns, and who they talk to, so one person’s account becomes the main version of events they have.C 02IsolationSteadily cutting a person off from friends, family and other outside support, until only one relationship is left.C 03Punishment of BoundariesWhen someone sets a limit, the other person answers with a penalty, such as coldness, withdrawn help or a taken-away privilege. Saying no…C 04Behavior ControlSetting rules about what another adult may wear, where they may go and who they may see, and enforcing them.C 05Financial ControlLimiting what someone can reach, see or earn, or using money and assets to pressure them, so they depend on one person.C 06Financial Dependence by DesignSetting up money, work and account access so that one person cannot manage alone, no matter how either person feels about the relationship.C 07Golden BarsSomeone offers real comfort, money or status that comes with unspoken conditions, so leaving or disagreeing means losing a good life.C 08Forced DependencyOne person sets up a relationship or setting so the other cannot manage without their ongoing help, and then keeps it that way.C 09InfantilizationTreating a capable adult as if they cannot manage their own money, tasks or decisions, and taking those over.C 10Enforcing Trivial DemandsInsisting on exact compliance with small, pointless-looking rules, treated far more seriously than the stakes deserve, until going along…C 11“I Know Best” PaternalismOverriding another adult’s choices in the name of what is good for them, and expecting them to be grateful.C 12Velvet Glove ControlNarrowing someone’s choices through warmth, concern and gentle persistence instead of force, so that the loss of their say is hard to see.C 13Boundary TestingSomeone crosses a stated or implied limit in small steps, and each step that goes unchallenged is followed by a slightly bigger one.C 14Location TrackingRequiring a person to keep their live location visible. Any gap in it is treated as a problem to be explained.C 15Demonstrating OmnipotenceShowing off how much someone knows, controls or can reach in your life, until trying to act independently starts to look pointless.C 16Stalking-by-NotificationTreating someone’s last-seen times, read receipts, story views and online status as evidence. The watcher builds a running case about…C 17Device Access DemandsInsisting on passwords, an unlocked phone or account logins as proof of trust, so that having a private space is read as hiding something.C 18Monitoring & SurveillanceDemanding constant access to a person’s phone, messages and movements. Every part of their day has to be explained.C 19Response-Time PolicingTreating the time taken to answer a message as a failing that must be explained, so you feel permanently on call.C 20InterrogationDemanding that someone explain, justify or defend themselves on command. The demander acts as if an answer is owed, whether or not the…C 21Smart-Home CoercionUsing connected home devices like locks, cameras, thermostats and speakers to watch, unsettle or control another person at home.C 22Resource SabotageTaking away the tools, information, money or help someone needs, and calling the failure proof they are not up to it.C 23Ritualized ExhaustionA relentless run of schedules, demands and lost sleep that keeps a person too depleted to think clearly, weigh options or push back.C 24Emotion ControlRewarding the feelings a person is allowed to show and punishing or shaming the rest, until they act out emotions instead of reporting them.C 25Moving-in-SilenceSettling a big matter that changes someone else’s life without telling or asking them, so they hear about it only when it is finished.C 26Choice RestrictionSomeone closes off or hides your realistic options one by one, until a single outcome looks like the only sensible choice.C 27Health SabotageInterfering with someone’s medicine, sleep, food, exercise or medical care in ways that make them weaker and more dependent.C 28Reproductive CoercionPressuring or penalizing someone over whether, when or how to have children, using money, work, family standing or withdrawal of support.C 29Sabotaging SuccessSetbacks such as a canceled ride, a lost message or a sudden crisis keep landing just as someone is about to move ahead.C 30Time TheftSomeone repeatedly spends another person’s time carelessly, through lateness, waiting and canceled plans, as if those hours were worth…C 31Maternal GatekeepingA mother repeatedly corrects, redoes or limits the other parent’s or caregiver’s care of a child, until that person loses confidence and…C 32Stalking & Surveillance (Post-Separation)After a breakup, repeatedly watching, tracking or following a former partner, in person or through phones and accounts, until they cannot…C 33Legal Abuse (Post-Separation)Repeatedly using court filings, motions and hearings after a separation to drain the other person’s money, time and stability.